It’s Back!

FYI/Note/Disclaimer (whatever you would like to call it): I truly have absolutely no idea how to post about this subject without offending someone other than to say from my heart…I mean absolutely NO disrespect and I am NOT body shaming…THIS IS FOR MY MOTIVATION, NOT my opinion or judgement of others. I will not defend or argue my opinion on this. If it strikes a nerve, please keep scrolling, it is not meant to by any means. I have so much respect for those who are technically considered “obese” yet they are more active than many of us and with the confidence to match! This is NOT me. I am extremely uncomfortable when I am at this point and I definetly do NOT have body confidence.

I can’t believe it is back!!!  Actually, in hindsight, I know there was no way I wouldn’t be wearing this suit again. 

You know the one – the “fat” body suit (and if you don’t have a clue – be thankful).

I have come to understand that this image has caused a bit of controversy on other social media platforms…For me, it depicts how I feel when the fat suit is on. Do I strive to have the perfect body or believe that I can chisel one out of what I am starting with? No, not that it isn’t possible, it just isn’t my initial goal. Getting back to feeling healthy and confident in my own skin is.

I’ve followed a healthy eating program, lost the excess weight (the fat body suit), I actually don’t mind looking at my naked self in the mirror, or having my sweet hubby looking at me naked 😉 Sex is enjoyable, frequent and off-the-charts hot. My hubby is thinking I have found the fountain of youth.  My skin is starting to tighten up and I like shopping for clothes (in a much smaller size) again. 

I have got this whole healthy eating thing figured out and I am rockin’ it!!!

Then, one day after a hot bath, I happen to be passing the bathroom mirror and it’s a surreal image looking back at me.  That cannot be me!  Where did those rolls of fat on my back come from?  Did I just see a ripple effect of a jiggle in my buttocks and hips with that last step?  What happened to the in-shape, sexy bod I had just 6 months ago?????  Was it all a wonderful fantasy? I want my sexy back!

Then, like a ton of bricks it hits me and I realize…THAT WAS 6 MONTHS AGO!?!  How could I have gone so far backwards in 6 months? 

I can tell you how! I did follow a wonderful healthy eating plan and I did get to a weight and size that I don’t ever recall being at. I was feeling amazing. My hubby and I were enjoying a sex life that we hadn’t seen and that was hotter (with age comes wisdom and confidence) since we were first married.  I was heading into the size 4 territory after starting at a snug size 16.  How could I now be a tight, and getting tighter, size 8??? (Seriously, size isn’t what matters here! I am using my size as a reference point for me and my journey. What matters was how I was feeling: How my blood pressure was in a normal range and I was no longer pre-diabetic. How I was jogging almost daily considering starting a Couch25K.) Seriously, how did this 180 happen?

I’ll tell you how.  I got comfortable!  I started getting comfortable in the fact that I could eat the unhealthy way that I used to for a day and not see a massive impact on the scale.  Those days here and there turned into every day.  Every trip to town meant a grande, full fat, full sugar caramel macchiato with whip, and for good measure a drive through the fast-food line for a burger and fries for the trip back home.  But I didn’t order soda so I was still eating relatively healthy…right?!?

Well, the image that stared back at me in the mirror this morning was one I didn’t expect.  I know, how could I not expect it after eating like that for months on end?  I seriously had to question myself, “Was it all just a dream?  Was I never in better shape?  Had these fat rolls really been gone?”  I started to think about how my jeans had started to get tighter and tighter over the past couple of months.  When I would go for my, what had become very infrequent walks, I realized I was tiring out faster and my lung compacity had diminished.  These are all things that had been there before I lost the weight, and had disappeared, but they are ever so slowly returning.  So slowly in fact, that I almost didn’t notice.

What do I do now that I have realized that I am wearing my fat suit again??? 

  1. Hmmm, I could become comfortable in it; body positivity and all (which I have no clue how to get to that point). 
  2. I could get back to my healthy eating plan and start from square one. 
  3. I could try yet another “diet” in place of my healthy eating plan. 
  4. I could just not think about it for another month and see if things improve on their own.
  5. 51 is too old to start again, I might as well just accept that I am aging and let the dream of being a hot wife and active grandma go.

Here’s the thing:

  1. I respect women who have the body positivity to be comfortable, no matter their size, in a swimsuit, pantsuit, jeans, etc… I used to be one of those types of women – to a point. I could get dressed up, do my hair and makeup and walk into a room with confidence. I didn’t care what others thought about my size, simply because I didn’t think much about it myself. I was comfortable in my own skin…or so I thought. Now that I know different I find it very hard to get back to that place. I am choosing to believe it is because I am not meant to be there anymore.
  2. I simply cannot do another “diet”! Now that I know I don’t have to be miserable and feel deprived to lose weight and feel wonderful, I just simply cannot even fathom searching through all the different pills, powders, potions, lotions, and plans out there.
  3. If I do choose to put this off for yet another month, spring will be here. I will not be able to, nor will I want to, get up with the sun, go for an hour walk, and sit and have a cup of coffee before starting my day. If I do choose to wait for another month, I will only find it harder to start, and harder to be motivated. I will have to by new jeans by then and they will be in sizes that I really didn’t think I would ever revisit. Nope, I definitely cannot put this decision off for another month.
  4. Absolutely NO age is too old. I need to remind myself of this daily. If I don’t do this now, I will be feeling my age much faster than I want to. Seriously, do we ever really have to feel old?

I now know what I must do…but, can I do it???

Follow along in my journey or better yet, you are welcome to join me. Find a program that works for you and let’s do this!

Step 1: Find my WHY?