Made It Past Day 1 Yet?

The answer to that question would be a big old NO!

I decided to enjoy all of the baked goodies and candies that we made for the holiday, and Christmas Dinner…don’t even get me started.

Was it a good decision? Again, NO it was not.

Today I feel puffy, bloated, achy joints, and the dreaded not being able to breath when I try to bend over and tie my shoes because my jeans are way too tight. Then of course, the itchy stomach and love handles that have been constrained in those tight jeans for far too many hours and now have indents from every seem and fold in said tight jeans. Yet again a reminder that “enjoying” those baked goodies and poor but tasty food choices throughout the past few weeks was a horrible idea and personally NOT WORTH IT!

So, here I sit again, typing in my journal about how I am still not able to get back on track to a healthier lifestyle.

Which brings up yet another point: It’s not only how my body feels so crappy but it is also hard to look at my naked self. I don’t like looking like a mascot for a tire company with all my spare tires and saggyness.

FYI, TMI Ahead: After I had lost a good amount of weight (over 2 years ago) I was comfortable in my skin and clothes. Being naked (around home) was comfortable and sleeping naked had many benefits (wink, wink). Now, I definitely do NOT walk around or sleep naked. I am clothed from neck to knees. “The sweatpants are tied”, as my husband likes to say. I want to get back to being comfortable naked and also back to the smokin’ hot sex life we had when we were thinner. They say you need a “why”, maybe that should be mine? 😊

Here’s to tomorrow, another Day 1.

❇️ Please send me some positivity in the comments (comment button is up under the title to this post), I can use all the support and good vibes that you would like to share. ❇️

xoxo ~ K

It’s Back!

FYI/Note/Disclaimer (whatever you would like to call it): I truly have absolutely no idea how to post about this subject without offending someone other than to say from my heart…I mean absolutely NO disrespect and I am NOT body shaming…THIS IS FOR MY MOTIVATION, NOT my opinion or judgement of others. I will not defend or argue my opinion on this. If it strikes a nerve, please keep scrolling, it is not meant to by any means. I have so much respect for those who are technically considered “obese” yet they are more active than many of us and with the confidence to match! This is NOT me. I am extremely uncomfortable when I am at this point and I definetly do NOT have body confidence.

I can’t believe it is back!!!  Actually, in hindsight, I know there was no way I wouldn’t be wearing this suit again. 

You know the one – the “fat” body suit (and if you don’t have a clue – be thankful).

I have come to understand that this image has caused a bit of controversy on other social media platforms…For me, it depicts how I feel when the fat suit is on. Do I strive to have the perfect body or believe that I can chisel one out of what I am starting with? No, not that it isn’t possible, it just isn’t my initial goal. Getting back to feeling healthy and confident in my own skin is.

I’ve followed a healthy eating program, lost the excess weight (the fat body suit), I actually don’t mind looking at my naked self in the mirror, or having my sweet hubby looking at me naked 😉 Sex is enjoyable, frequent and off-the-charts hot. My hubby is thinking I have found the fountain of youth.  My skin is starting to tighten up and I like shopping for clothes (in a much smaller size) again. 

I have got this whole healthy eating thing figured out and I am rockin’ it!!!

Then, one day after a hot bath, I happen to be passing the bathroom mirror and it’s a surreal image looking back at me.  That cannot be me!  Where did those rolls of fat on my back come from?  Did I just see a ripple effect of a jiggle in my buttocks and hips with that last step?  What happened to the in-shape, sexy bod I had just 6 months ago?????  Was it all a wonderful fantasy? I want my sexy back!

Then, like a ton of bricks it hits me and I realize…THAT WAS 6 MONTHS AGO!?!  How could I have gone so far backwards in 6 months? 

I can tell you how! I did follow a wonderful healthy eating plan and I did get to a weight and size that I don’t ever recall being at. I was feeling amazing. My hubby and I were enjoying a sex life that we hadn’t seen and that was hotter (with age comes wisdom and confidence) since we were first married.  I was heading into the size 4 territory after starting at a snug size 16.  How could I now be a tight, and getting tighter, size 8??? (Seriously, size isn’t what matters here! I am using my size as a reference point for me and my journey. What matters was how I was feeling: How my blood pressure was in a normal range and I was no longer pre-diabetic. How I was jogging almost daily considering starting a Couch25K.) Seriously, how did this 180 happen?

I’ll tell you how.  I got comfortable!  I started getting comfortable in the fact that I could eat the unhealthy way that I used to for a day and not see a massive impact on the scale.  Those days here and there turned into every day.  Every trip to town meant a grande, full fat, full sugar caramel macchiato with whip, and for good measure a drive through the fast-food line for a burger and fries for the trip back home.  But I didn’t order soda so I was still eating relatively healthy…right?!?

Well, the image that stared back at me in the mirror this morning was one I didn’t expect.  I know, how could I not expect it after eating like that for months on end?  I seriously had to question myself, “Was it all just a dream?  Was I never in better shape?  Had these fat rolls really been gone?”  I started to think about how my jeans had started to get tighter and tighter over the past couple of months.  When I would go for my, what had become very infrequent walks, I realized I was tiring out faster and my lung compacity had diminished.  These are all things that had been there before I lost the weight, and had disappeared, but they are ever so slowly returning.  So slowly in fact, that I almost didn’t notice.

What do I do now that I have realized that I am wearing my fat suit again??? 

  1. Hmmm, I could become comfortable in it; body positivity and all (which I have no clue how to get to that point). 
  2. I could get back to my healthy eating plan and start from square one. 
  3. I could try yet another “diet” in place of my healthy eating plan. 
  4. I could just not think about it for another month and see if things improve on their own.
  5. 51 is too old to start again, I might as well just accept that I am aging and let the dream of being a hot wife and active grandma go.

Here’s the thing:

  1. I respect women who have the body positivity to be comfortable, no matter their size, in a swimsuit, pantsuit, jeans, etc… I used to be one of those types of women – to a point. I could get dressed up, do my hair and makeup and walk into a room with confidence. I didn’t care what others thought about my size, simply because I didn’t think much about it myself. I was comfortable in my own skin…or so I thought. Now that I know different I find it very hard to get back to that place. I am choosing to believe it is because I am not meant to be there anymore.
  2. I simply cannot do another “diet”! Now that I know I don’t have to be miserable and feel deprived to lose weight and feel wonderful, I just simply cannot even fathom searching through all the different pills, powders, potions, lotions, and plans out there.
  3. If I do choose to put this off for yet another month, spring will be here. I will not be able to, nor will I want to, get up with the sun, go for an hour walk, and sit and have a cup of coffee before starting my day. If I do choose to wait for another month, I will only find it harder to start, and harder to be motivated. I will have to by new jeans by then and they will be in sizes that I really didn’t think I would ever revisit. Nope, I definitely cannot put this decision off for another month.
  4. Absolutely NO age is too old. I need to remind myself of this daily. If I don’t do this now, I will be feeling my age much faster than I want to. Seriously, do we ever really have to feel old?

I now know what I must do…but, can I do it???

Follow along in my journey or better yet, you are welcome to join me. Find a program that works for you and let’s do this!

Step 1: Find my WHY?